Here is a talk I gave at the State American Mothers Convention on Saturday. I talk about oru craft day. You get illustrations to go with it.
Last week my 4 year old daughter wanted to have a craft day. Since we had just been talking about layered sand in a jar, I had that in mind as I got out all the materials, using sugar instead of sand. She happily added food coloring to the sugar and stirred it up. When she decided to combine two bowls of sugar, I started to make suggestions about how she should make three separate colors, but she wanted to do her own thing. She dumped all the colors into one big
bowl. This soon developed into her own unique project. She got out the muffin tins, and make “cupcakes” complete with sprinkles. She then added water and turned it into paint to make a picture on paper. By this time, I had given up on any kind of direction. I sat back to watch, asking questions and making comments, intervening only when she wanted to paint the cupboards.
As an educator, I know that letting her explore and create is more important than the actual product. Through creative play, she is making crucial connections in her brain that will stay with her throughout her life. She is also learning important skills that will help her as she begins to read and understand math concepts.
I had to make a conscious choice to ignore the mess and let her discover new ideas. She played and created happily for
about an hour, exploring and making many different things with the now sticky sugar water creation. She didn’t make what I thought she would make, but she learned and discovered new ideas. The creative process was more important than the end product.
(Had to show her sticky feet)
A wonderful friend and mother and specialist in marriage and family development taught me a saying she learned from her professor Bill Marshall: The purpose of the task is strengthen the relationship. This has helped me enjoy my everyday mothering even more.
When I am doing the dishes, for example, and my daughter wants to help, it’s tempting to tell her I’ll just hurry and do it myself. But if I remember that the purpose of doing the dishes is to strengthen the relationship with my daughter instead of getting the dishes done, it helps me have a different perspective. I stop and let her put the dishes in the bottom of the dishwasher. We talk about how to put the dishes in and even sing a little silly song as we go. Usually she helps for a few minutes, then runs off while I quickly finish the rest of the dishes. Not only am I teaching her important skills and the value of work, but we have a good time together. Our relationship is strengthened by doing the dishes.
Another time, she wanted to dance and play ballerina with me ( a daily occurrence). I had a whole pile of clean clothes I was trying to put away. So I suggested we do the putting the clothes away dance instead. I handed her her shirts to put away, and we danced and twirled on our tip toes into her room, where she put her clothes away in the drawer. We did the same for her pants and socks, adding different twirls for each article of clothing.
It certainly took a lot longer than if I had just done it myself, but we had a great time. Now she begs to do the “laundry dance”. The purpose of doing the laundry is to strengthen my relationship with my daughter. Keeping this in mind has helped me be more patient and remember what is most important.
Motherhood is a privilege and a wonderful journey. After 12 years of marriage, I was able to become a mother when we were adopted our beautiful daughter. Having to wait such a long time has helped me appreciate this privilege. I still have days when I am tired and frustrated and unappreciated. There’s nothing like a 4 year old’s honesty that she doesn’t like the shirt you are wearing to keep you humble.
I hope you know that as a mother, you are appreciated and so important to your family and to your community. Last week, I had the privilege of representing Utah mothers at the Utah Legislature. The Utah State Senate presented Dixie and me and our Utah AMI Chapter with an official proclamation supporting mothers. Here is an excerpt from it. "The Legislature of this state of Utah recognizes the efforts of American Mothers, Inc., Utah Association, to strengthen the moral and spiritual foundations of the family and the home.…The Legislature expresses its appreciation for the tireless devotion and hard work demonstrated by all Utah mothers in the care and nurturing of their families". The Senate and House of Representatives stood up and applauded as we and the merit mothers were presented. They were standing and applauding for you and Utah mothers all over the State.
I am proud to be able to represent young mothers of Utah this year. Remember to focus on building relationships with your children. I know you will treasure motherhood even more. Thank you for all you do as mothers.
